Most people shy away from confrontation. Maybe it is because they had a bad experience with it. Maybe it is because they have no experience with it at all. Whatever the reason, can you really blame them? Confrontation is hard and nasty and uncomfortable. Isn’t it?

While sometimes this is the case, it does not have to be. At its core, confrontation is about two competing ideas battling it out for supremacy. That is all. Most people associate it with name calling and aggression, and confrontation as a whole gets a bad name because of that association. But the opposition inherent in confrontation does not require these things.

Imagine, if you will, a world champion chess match. Two grandmasters sitting down on opposite sides of the board, their goals inherently opposed. Their entire careers hinging on this moment. Years of preparation leading to this moment.

Do they come to blows, though?

Of course not.

But why not? Because they respect one another, or at least, they respect the game. And how should life be different? We are all players in a game, constantly maneuvering around one another to try to accomplish grand goals. There is no reason to hate another person who is doing the same thing that you are doing. And certainly there is no reason to disrespect the other player, much less the game with unnecessary posturing and ridicule.

Conflict will come, though. There is no doubt. But it is necessary. It is the most necessary component of life, an essential evaluation to determine what will or won’t continue. Conflict is about growth and the opportunity therefore. Without it, we have stagnation and impasse. We need it. But we need to respect one another if it is to happen in a healthy manner and be the most productive for both parties.

There may be times, though, when you encounter a fellow player who acts with disrespect, but remember, this unsportsmanlike behavior is more indicative of something about that individual than it is about anything regarding yourself. Just focus on the game and the opportunity for you to grow as a result, with a call for good play, moving ever towards your goals and to call out, “Checkmate.”

-Ian Guthrie, LPC